You opened and closed the doors
When I least expected it -
And when I most needed it.
In my high moments of selfishness,
You were there,
To put me in my place.
In my darkest, loneliest moments,
When the sky was crushing me,
You were right above me, pushing it away.
But when I needed…
When I think about where I was a year ago and look at my life now, I’m in shock. I’ve come so far and chased so much. I can’t help but think about where I’d be if I never left Michigan. Would I be dating someone? Would I still be babysitting? Would I be a Realtor? Would I be driving the same car? Would my hair be shorter (Yes, I’m sure it would be)? Would I be able to talk to my mom without getting into a screaming match and loosing my voice? What would my relationships with my sisters be like? Would I have a puppy? Where would I be living?
The truth is, so much has changed in the last 6 months that I can’t even begin to comprehend what I’d be like if I never left. I’m a different person than I was before I left. I’ve seen half the country, met people I’d never befriend in the mitten, and I have a different outlook on life in general.
I always knew I’d make it in the world, that someday waking up wouldn’t be a struggle, that is look back on everything in my life and say, “that’s all gotten me to this point.” And it has. Granted, I’m just at the crux of life, I’m at the top of the mountain with all the bullshit behind me and I have nothing but good coming my way. It’s my time now.
I have a job that I’m going to excel at. I have long term goals that I’m working on everyday, I’m making decent money, I have a boyfriend whom I love more than life itself, and my entire life is in front of me. It feels like its taken forever to get to this point in my life, but I’m only 22. Its strange to think that for the first time in my life I’m ahead of the game instead of watching all the kids my age getting married, and having fulltime jobs. I wasn’t ready before now. I didn’t have the motivation. I didn’t know where to begin. I was the only thing standing in my way. Now that I know what I want and how to get it, the world better be on its A game, because I’m coming for you.
I will have corporate success and power. People will look up to me. I want to inspire those behind me and show them that its possible to come from nothing and have no support and achieve their goals. I want my sisters to look at me and be proud that I’m their older sister, I want to be someone they can look up to because none of us have ever had decent role models. No one in our family really did anything beyond mediocre. But I will. I will show them that we can follow our hearts and make it. A little encouragement goes a long ways, and even if I’m the only one supporting them, I know they’ll be successful too, once they get a foot on solid ground and aren’t floating through life; simply existing. All three of us have what it takes to be better than our parents (not that it takes much), and we will be.